Helping James
by Athena Diagon Cat
Summary: James loves Lily, and asks a fellow student for help. Peter is creepy, Sirius is crazed, and Remus is, well, Remus.
1. Welcome to Hogwarts

Title: Helping James

Author: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I'd have the 6th book finished by now. Do you see book 6 is stores? No? Then I don't own Harry Potter.

*~*~*~*

(Hogwarts Castle, some time in the 1970s)

            "Welcome to Hogwarts, and another year! I see that the first years have been sorted, and you are all awaiting dinner, but first, we have 4 more students to sort. They have come from various wizarding schools to learn from our excellent teachers, and hopefully they will improve their skills before graduating," Professor Dumbledore sat down, and Professor McGonagall came forward once again.

            "Duncan, Edward!" A dark boy with blazing black eyes came forward.

            "SYLTHERIN!" the hat yelled.

            "Finch, Joanna!" A girl with sandy blonde hair came forward, nose in air.

            "SYLTHERIN!"

            "Nott, Theodore!" A very pale boy ran up to the hat, looking like he'd burn the hat if it didn't put him the house he wanted.

            "SYLTHERIN!"

            "Silverarrow, Magicia!" The last girl came forward, glaring at the students at the Syltherin table.

            "GRYFFINDOR!" The girl, Magicia, looked as if she was going to cry in relief.

            "Well, now that that's done, let's eat!" Dumbledore cried, and clapped his hands. 

*~*~*

             Magicia Silverarrow was never more relived in her life. She had escaped Duncan and Nott, and ended up in Gryffindor like her Grandfather. Maybe her last year in school wasn't going to be that bad, after all.

            Just as she was thinking this, a tall handsome boy slid into the seat next to her. 

            "My lady," he drawled, "May I introduce myself? I am THE Sirius Black, hottest guy around. Will you go on a date with me?" He gave her puppy-dog eyes. Magicia snorted.

            "Go away, Black. I'm not interested." 

            "Tough luck, Padfoot," said another boy, who sat down next to her. "I'm James Potter. Don't worry, I won't ask you out." 

            "That's only because James is obsessed with Lily Evans," said yet another boy, who James said was Remus Lupin. 

            "I'm Peter Pettigrew," said a rat- faced guy, who was standing behind her. "Who are you?"

            "Magicia Silverarrow."

            "Magicia? What kind of name is that?"

            "It's my name, thank you very much Black. If you don't like it, you can call me Magic."

            "Okey- dokey, Magic. Will you go on a date with me?" Magicia pushed his head into his mashed potatoes, and went off to sit at the end of the table. Much to her annoyance, Black followed her.

            "Magie, if you promise not to put my face in the food, I promise not to ask you out or anything like that."

            "Fine, but you'd better not call me 'Magie' again."

            "Sure, Magie," said Sirius with an infuriating grin. Magicia gave him the evil eye, and he hastily retreated to his friends. 

*~*~*

            As soon as every one had finished, Dumbledore introduced the head boy and girl, (James Potter and Lily Evans) and sent them off to bed. 

            Magicia convinced Sirius to show her a short cut to the common room so Duncan and Nott wouldn't spot her, and fled to the dorm room she was to share with Lily Evans and some other girls, so Peter wouldn't find her. He was really scaring her.

            The next morning, Magicia skipped breakfast, (she wasn't much of a morning person) and went strait to Transfiguration, were she asked McGonagall for a map of Hogwarts. After that, Magicia and the rest of the Gryffindor 7th years hurried off to Defense against the Dark Arts (DaDA). They were going to face a boggart that day.

            The teacher decided that he wanted to test Magicia's magical ability, so she had to go first.

            She faced the boggart and it turned into an army of giant spiders.

            "_Riddikulus!_"

            CRACK! The spider turned into a toadstool. James went next.

            CRACK! The boggart turned into Lily Evans.

            "Potter! I hate you! I'm going to go date Snape!" The real Lily fainted, as did James. Magicia rolled her eyes, levitated them, and set off to the hospital wing.

*~*~*

The title will be explained n the next chapter.

I started another story, ok? I know its garbage, but I don't want to be killed by reviewers from The Mirror of Erised.

The Mirror of Erised is done, and I'm not changing my mind. Don't kill me!

If you want me to keep writing this, please review. If you hate it, go away. Thank you.

-Athena Diagon Cat


	2. Flying ink bottles

Helping James- Chapter 2

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: I own a pair of shoes. J. K. Rowling owns Harry Potter.

*~*~*

By the time James and Lily recovered, the whole school knew about James's boggart. According to Sirius, the boggart was the most talked-about this in the whole school.

"And what was your boggart, Sirius? Your mother?" James snapped one day. Sirius quickly left, muttering something about having to use the bathroom, while the common room roared with laughter.

Meanwhile, Magicia was having her own problems.

"Hey, Magic," Peter said, "D-do y-you w-w-want t-t-t-to- "

"Peter, I'm busy. Please go away before I hex someone!" Peter turned red, and hurried off to his dorm. Then a 6th year boy came up to Magicia, asking her if she wanted to go out with him. Magicia told him to be quiet or else. Another boy came up and stared at her. Magicia through an ink bottle at him, and walked over to James.

"Do you have a dungbomb?"

"No. Sirius took my last ones."

"Curses." She went and hid under a table, and ignored the strange looks she was getting. Now, at least, they would think she was crazy, and back off.

James realized that he hadn't spoken to Lily for a whole 24 hours, and went up to her and asked her out. Lily slapped him, and told him she'd rather date Snape then him. James screamed, (like a girl) and joined Magicia under the table.

"How can I get Lily to like me?" James whimpered. Magicia rolled her eyes.

"You have to stop being such a bloody prat!"

"How? Can you help me?"

"I can try."

"Then let's get started!"

"Not so fast. You have to let her cool off. I have a feeling that is you so much as looked at her, she'd kill you."

"Um, ok. But what do I do until then?"

"Stop tormenting Snape."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"You heard me."

"But-but-but-"

"Grow up Potter." 

"Grow up? Wow, Prongs, are you sure you want to do this?" Sirius had come back from the bathroom.

"Shut up, Padfoot," said James, and stormed off to his dorm. Sirius laughed softly.

"Think he'll be able to do it, Magie?"

"We can always hope. And don't call me Magie."

"Sure Magie. What ever you say Magie."

"You- " Magicia got up and chased Sirius around the common room.

*~*~*

Chapter 2- done.

Thank you** haniyyah and** LilyEvensPotter **for reviewing!**

Maybe if I put my insanity in this story, I'll be less crazy in real life.

*thinks about it*

Never mind. I'll always be crazy.

-Athena Diagon Cat


	3. This is a Brush

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: Do you honestly think J. K. Rowling would post stories on fanfiction.net? Anyway, I'm not her, so I don't own any Harry Potter characters.

*~*~*

The next day, Magicia got up early, and went down to the common room to wait for James. The instant he came down, Magicia took his stolen snitch away from him.

"Hey! Give it back! It's mine!" He yelled. Magicia rolled her eyes, and handed it to Remus, telling him to hide it. She then held up a brush.

"Do you know what this is?" she asked James, who shook his head. Magicia grinned evilly. "It's called a brush. You flatten your hair with it." Before James could shop her, Magicia had jinxed it to brush his hair until it was flat. James pouted.

"You messed up my hair!"

"No, I didn't. I flattened it. And don't you dare touch it." Magicia then turned, and skipped out of the room, singing the school song on the top of her lungs. Sirius laughed, and dragged James down to breakfast.

*~*~*

"Stop flirting, Potter. Lily's never going to even think about going out with you if you flirt with every girl in Hogwarts," said Magicia sharply in charms.

"I don't flirt with you."

"Thank God. I'd burn your broom if you did."

"No! Not Harry!"

"Harry?"

"Yes, Harry. That's what I named my broom."

"Okay…" Magicia backed away.

" I thought you named it Lily," said Sirius.

"No, I named my glasses Lily."

"Are you serious?" Magicia gasped, shocked.

"No, I am!"

"Padfoot, stop it already. That is so old." Sirius glared at James, and turned his robes pink. James didn't notice; as he was too busy staring at Lily. Magicia and Remus said nothing. 

*~*~*

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Potter and the blood-traitors," Snape sneered. "Where's the mud-blood?" Magicia and Remus grabbed James and Sirius to stop them from killing Snape.

"Don't even think about it," Magicia hissed. "He's just trying to get you in trouble. Besides, Lily's coming. Do you want her to see you killing Snape?" James glared at Snape, but turned away anyway. Sirius, however, kept trying to get at him.

"Sirius, let's go. Otherwise I'll tell him what your boggart was," snapped Remus. Sirius stopped, and ran back to Gryffindor tower, screaming.

"Well,** that's** mature," said James.

*~*~*

And that was chapter 3. 

If there is anyone at all reading this, please review. Last chapter got NO reviews, and I'm not happy. I could be writing a LotR story, you know!

REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Athena Diagon Cat 


	4. Dragon and the bowling pin

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: I'm not J. K. Rowling. It's as simple as that.

*~*~*

            A month went by uneventfully. School went on as usual, Snape was a jerk, and Sirius was weird. Not to mention James was depressed. Lily was avoiding him, obviously suspicious.

            "Please, Magicia, let me ask her out! She has to agree this time!" James pleaded.

            "Do you want to undo all that work?! No! She's getting suspicious, now!" James pouted, and slumped down in his chair. Magicia couldn't help feeling sorry for him.

            "Cheer up James. Come on, I'll let you meet my Dragon."

            "You have a dragon?" James and Sirius asked, amazed.

            "Yes…"

            "But dragons aren't allowed!" James cried.

            "Cool! Can I toast Snivellus with it?" said Sirius excitedly. Magicia laughed.

            "Guys, come on. I think your questions will be answered when you see him."

*~*~*

            "This is my Dragon," said Magicia, holding up a large brown-and-black cat, which blinked at them.

            "That's not a dragon!" said James crossly.

            "Dummy, its _name_ is Dragon," said Sirius, who had just caught on.

            "Very good, Sirius," said Magicia, impressed. Sirius grinned.

            "Magie, can I get him to claw Snape to death?"

*~*~*

            Inspired by Dragon the cat, Sirius decided he needed a pet.

            "Magie, I need a pet. Can you help me?" Magicia was too busy reading The Return of the King to pay attention to what Sirius was saying.

            "Magie, what kind of pet should I get?" said Sirius again, poking her.

            "A bowling pin," she said absent-mindedly.

            "Right-o. James, can you help me get a bowling pin?"

*~*~*

            "Magie Magie Magie!" Sirius yelled, bouncing into the common room, holding something behind his back.

            "What what what? And don't call me 'Magie!'"

            "But I like to! Guess what I got for a pet?"

            "A nazgul," said Magicia, once again ignoring him.

            "No, silly, though that's a good idea. Pay attention, Magie!" Sirius took Magicia's book away from her.

            "Ok! Ok! I'm listening!"

            "Magie, meet Phoenix!" he held up a bowling pin that had a painted on smiley-face. Magicia stared at it.

            "Sirius, that's a bowling pin."

            "Yup! He's faithful, a good listener, _and_ he can attack Snivellus! And I named him Phoenix!"

            "Sirius! It's a _bowling pin_!"

            "Yeah, you're right. 'Bob' is a much better name for him!" He wandered off, introducing 'Bob' to every one he saw.

            "Magic, can I ask out Lily _yet_?" asked James, running up to her.

            "Good Lord, why do I have to live with these people?" she groaned. 

*~*~*

Thank you thank you thank you Rosie for reviewing! 

Opps.

I mean, thank you **allfortheloveofBrair** for reviewing!

I'm sorry, Sirius fans, but I can't help it! I LOVE making Sirius weird!

By the way, Dragon really exists. His real name is Diagon Dragon, and he really is my cat. I'll bet he's sleeping right now, so he can't saw 'hi', or rather, 'meow'.

-Athena Diagon Cat


	5. Good bye Bob, hello Eddy

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: I own my weirdness, **not** Harry Potter characters. Come to think of it, I don't even own my weirdness. No one does.

*~*~*

            The next week was highly entertaining, as Sirius had started going around with Bob the bowling pin, attempting to give Snape a permanent concussion. The most amusing part by far, would be when Snape ran off screaming.

             James, though, was still sulking. He was lonely, as Magicia wouldn't let him flirt with random girls, ask out Lily yet, or hang out with Sirius.

            "But Ma-a-gic! He's my best friend!" he whined.

            "Sorry, James, but as long as Sirius is on a Snape-bashing quest with _that bowling pin_, you can't be seen with him by Lily!" James got an odd look in his eyes.

            "Then let's get rid of the bowling pin!" Magicia slapped her forehead.

            "Now, why didn't I think of that?!"

*~*~*

            The next day, Magicia and James were looking for fellow Gryffindors to help get rid of Sirius's 'bowling pin of doom', as they were beginning to call it. Only Lily, Remus, Andromeda Black, and Teddy Tonks wanted to help. They formed a secret club, which they called 'The Sirius Stoppers Committee', or 'T.S.S.C.' for short.

            "Alright, here's the plan," Lily whispered. "Remus, you distract Sirius. Magicia, Andromeda, and Teddy, you distract everyone else. I'll get the bowling pin, and Potter and transfigure it into something _harmless_." She glared at James, as if to say, 'if it _isn't_ harmless, I'll kill you.' Everyone nodded, and went to their positions, and waited for Sirius to enter the common room.

            When Sirius did enter, Remus went up to him, and started talking to him about if he'd seen his book. Magicia started screaming about evil monkey people, and Andromeda and Teddy started yelling at each other about the correct answer to a particularly difficult question in their potions homework. As the common room watched Magicia and the fight, Lily whispered a charm, causing the bowling pin to go invisible briefly, and then appear in her hands. She crawled over to James, who was hiding behind a chair. James turned it into a stuffed monkey, which had a particularly evil look on its face, which resembled Sirius when he was attacking Snape. Lily stifled a laugh, and stood up, holding the monkey.

            "Is this the evil monkey person?" She asked. Magicia looked at it, and screamed.

            "It's the evil monkey! Noooooooooooooooo!" She ran off to the girl's dorms.

            "Andy, Teddy, both of you are wrong. The answer to that question is moonstone," said James.

            "Opps." They said.

            "Hey! Where's Bob?" Sirius asked, looking around the common room, as Remus had just spotted his book.

            "I haven't seen him," said Lily, "but you can have the monkey." 

            "Eddy!" Sirius squealed, and grabbed the monkey from Lily, "Oh, Eddy, I love you!" 

*~*~*

            At breakfast the next morning, Sirius bounced up to Snape, who cowered in his seat.

            "Morning Snivvy. Bob ran away." Snape looked relived. Sirius grinned evilly. "This is Eddy."

            "**NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"** Snape ran out of the Great Hall. Sirius turned to his friends.

            "Who knew Snivvy was afraid of monkeys?"

*~*~*

For those people who didn't read the 5th book carefully enough, Andromeda Black is Sirius's favorite cousin, and Teddy Tonks is her future muggle-born husband. I though I'd add them in this story.

Now, gentile readers, **REVIEW!!!!!!!**

-Athena Diagon Cat

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**REVIEW OR EDDY WILL TORMENT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	6. The golden chain

Helping James 

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: I think we all know by now that I don't own the Harry Potter characters. I also don't own diet Pepsi or Eddy. Sirius owns Eddy.

*~*~*

October and November passed, and the holidays were drawing near. James was beginning to panic.

"Can I still give Lily a Christmas present?" He asked Remus one day.

"Probably. But I suggest not giving her something expensive, otherwise she'll return it."

"Then what should I give her?"

"A notebook?"

"She already has several. What about jewelry?"

"Only if it's not fancy or expensive."

"Like a gold chain? That way, I could give her charms to put on it."

"Er…"

"Thanks, Moony," said James, and ran off to the jewelry store. 

*~*~*

Finally Christmas day came. James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus all got pretty much the same thing, except Magicia's presents to them were all very different. James got a glasses repair kit, for when he was in the muggle world, Sirius got robes for Eddy, Remus got several cases of diet Pepsi, to make him hyper, and Peter got a shoelace, as he had started stalking Magicia.

Magicia got The Silmarilion, some dungbombs, Hogwarts, A history and a whole load of flowers and jewelry from Peter. Magicia threw them all out the window, and cut her hair to shoulder-length so Peter wouldn't recognize her.

Lily got tons of presents, but her favorite was the gold chain that James had given her. Apparently she was into plain jewelry.

When the last presents had been opened, Sirius dragged them down to the Great Hall to watch him give Snape his present. Fortunately for Snape, James asked Lily out on a date, (Despite Magicia's warnings) and Sirius ran for cover, afraid that Lily would explode, literally. She didn't, and even though she turned him down, she said perhaps she would some other day.

*~*~*

James was so happy about Lily telling him that she might go out with him in the future, that he was floating around the chandeliers. It seems that Remus, Peter and Sirius had all given him sherbet balls, and he had eaten all of them already. Professor Dumbledore had to get him down, but James still was floating several feet off the ground. Sirius then decided it would be fun to be floating about, and kick Snape in the head, and so he went and bought as many as he could off a few Hufflepuff first years for 10 galleons. Magicia and Lily were forced to hold onto his ankles so he couldn't.

"Sugar make the world go 'round, the world go 'round, the world go 'round, SUGAR make the world go 'round-"

"SHUT UP, SIRIUS!!!!!!!!" Every one yelled.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"_SILENCIO!_" 

*~*~*

Haha! Sirius on sugar goes silent!

Thank you **kim** for reviewing! As for you other people, **REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! **I'm getting tired if telling you this!

I need 2 more people for the T.S.S.C. (The Sirius Stoppers Committee). First 2 to review get the spots! Just say you want to be in it, and I'll tell you who gets the places in the next chapter.

-Athena Diagon Cat

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**NOW GO REVIEW, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	7. Growing up

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: I own lots of stuff. Harry Potter characters just aren't one of them.

*~*~*

            It was New Year's Eve, and Magicia was trying hard not to scream. Sirius had gone off to Hogsmeade and come back with a ton of firewhiskey, which he drank all by himself, and was now drunk and chasing Magicia, who was forced to take out her broom and hover around the ceiling of the common room, wand at the ready. James was moping about yet again, because he had no one to kiss at midnight. Peter was sulking, because he couldn't find Magicia, (He still hadn't found out that she had cut her hair) and Remus was hiding out on the roof, despite the cold, staring at the half moon. Around 9:00, Andromeda and Teddy had started yelling at each other for some unknown reason, and Lily was staring at the fire, lost in thought, one hand twisting the chain James gave her.

            At 11:00, Sirius yelled that he was going to kiss Magicia at midnight. Magicia told him to back off, (only in ruder terms) and hit him over the head with her broom when he didn't. James told Andromeda to shut up or he'd make her kiss Snape, and Lily got up and brought Remus in from the roof.

            At midnight, Sirius woke up just in time to see Teddy kiss Andromeda, and he went on an overprotective cousin rampage. Lily suddenly got up and kissed James on the lips, before running at top speed to her dorm, causing James to sit there in a state of shock. Magicia kissed a cute boy named Hob Proudfoot, who she had been dating since November. Who Remus and Peter kissed, I don't know, but at least it wasn't each other (EW!) or Eddy, who Sirius ended up kissing.

*~*~*

            Classes started up as usual in January, and a change seemed to come over everyone. Lily would run, blushing, away from James if he looked at her, Peter became more confident and mysterious, Remus, sad and gloomy, and James, more adult.

            Magicia got sick and tired of it, and went to Dumbledore. When she came back, she was smiling. 

            "There's going to be a Valentine's Day dance!" Dumbledore announced to the Great Hall at dinner that night. "It will be on the 14th, of course, and is open to all houses and years. There will also be games and refreshments. And you are _not_ allowed to bring a date." Many people groaned at this, but Dumbledore pretended not to notice.

*~*~*

            "So that's what you went to Dumbledore about!" Sirius exclaimed.

            "Yup! I _had_ to do something. Everyone was turning into zombies!"

            "No kidding."

            "Yo, Magic," said Peter, in a cool, confident voice. Magicia turned pale.

            "Is there something you want, Peter?" she asked, glancing at Hob with a 'help me!' sort of look.

            "Yeah. I want you to go on a date with me."

            "Um, I already have a boyfriend."

            "Tough luck, babe." Peter reached out to grab her by the hair, but Magicia picked up Dragon, who was sitting under the table. Peter screamed, and fled.

            "I love cats," Magicia sighed.

*~*~*

Hi people! Looking forward to Valentine's Day? Or are you like me, and think it's stupid? Eew, kissing. I am only 13, and not like some people in this town, who go on dates in 2nd grade! *shudders* Ahem. Anyway, back to business.

Thank you SO much **the-star101**!!!!!!!!!!! I love getting reviews! *hint hint* Maybe I should start reviewing my own stories. Or not.

I still need two more people for T.S.S.C., so if you want to be in it, please tell me so.

'Bye people! May you empty fish-tanks live a long life! *Heehee*

-Athena Diagon Cat

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**Review or Peter will kiss you!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	8. Snowballs, iceballs, and Cheese

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: I may have written this story, but it isn't mine.

*~*~*

            Valentine's Day dawned bright and clear- with 5 feet of snow on the ground. And _of course_ Sirius _had_ to go and get some. And _of course_ Sirius just _had_ to put it down James's shirt.

            '**Sirius Bloody Black**! **Why did you put that snow down my bloody shit?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!**" James screamed from where Magicia and Remus were restraining him.

            "Um," said Sirius, "Eddy did it?" James lunges at him.

            "**I'm going to bloody kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!**" James chased Sirius around the common room until Andromeda came down and stunned him.

            "Thank you, Andy," Magicia panted. (Magicia and Remus had been trying to stop James.)

            "Any time," said Andromeda, and blew the smoke from the tip of her wand.

            "Hey! Magie! Catch!" Sirius threw a snowball at her head, where it smashed. "Haha! You missed!" He tossed another one at Remus, and fled, Magicia and Remus at his heels, both trying to kill him.

*~*~*

            Fortunately for Sirius, McGonagall yelled at Remus and Magic for yelling in the halls, and told them if they did it again, she give them both detentions. Sirius may have been saved from being killed at that moment, but James, Magicia, and Remus were out for revenge.

*~*~*

            Sirius realized that his friends didn't like having snowball thrown at them when they were indoors, and so decided to throw them at Snape instead. But instead of snowballs, he made iceballs. Really hard iceballs. The T.S.S.C. had to act fast.

            Magicia was in charge of trying to recruit new members, but so far, so only got a 5th year named Marie to join.

            "Fellow Sirius Stoppers," James began, "WE have been summoned together to save Snape from being killed by Sirius, who seems to be on a snow high."

            "What's a snow high?" Magicia wanted to know.

            "A snow high is when Sirius gets excited because there's a lot of snow on the ground," Remus explained.

            "He seems like a hyper-active puppy," said Marie. James and Remus glanced at each other.

            "A-HEM. As I was saying, we have to save Snape from Sirius. Now, does any one have a plan?" Andy raised her hand. "Yes?"

            "I say that one of us dresses up as his mother and screams at him not to do that ever again, while another one of us pretends to be his father, and spanks him." Every one stared at her. "What? That's what his parents did when he threw an iceball at his brother."

            "I think we should get rid of Eddy too. It's really gotten scary lately," said Teddy.

            "All in favor?"

            "Aye."

            "All opposed?"

            Silence.

            "Now that we have a plan, who does what?" Magicia asked.

            "I want to be his mom, to get back at him for embarrassing me on New Years," said Andy.

            "I want to be his father, and give him a good kick in the pants," said James.

            "Then the rest of us, will take Eddy and get rid of him," said Remus.

            "Meeting adorned," said James.

*~*~*

            Sirius crept along the empty corridor after Snape. He took aim and-

            "SIRIUS BLACK!!!!"

            "What the- MOTHER!!!!!"

            "Sirius Black! How dare you throw those things at poor Mr. Snape! What has he ever done to you?!"

            'Um, existed?"

            "How dare you!" Sirius was about to try to run off, when someone grabbed him around the waist.

            "Father?! What are- OW!!!!!!!" he yelled, as his 'father' spanked him with his broom.

            Lily, who was hiding in the shadows, whispered a summoning charm. Eddy flew over to her. She slunk away to Magicia.

*~*~*

            Magicia took Eddy, and cleaned him, as he was filthy. She then sent him to her cousin, Laura, who had just had a baby. She just hoped that Eddy wouldn't scare the baby.

*~*~*

            Meanwhile, Teddy, Remus, and Marie were in a pet shop, and fighting over which pet to get Sirius.

            "Kitties!" Marie yelled.

            "Fish!" yelled Remus.

            "Rabbits!" Teddy screamed.

            "Will you please quiet down? You're making the parakeets go nuts!" cried the poor shop owner.

            "Sorry, but we need to get our friend a pet," said Remus. "I want to get him some fish, as they just swim around all day."

            "Well, I think we should get him a rabbit, 'cause they don't make any noise, and you can pet them," said Teddy.

            "Get him a cat! Cat's are cool!" Marie insisted.

            "I think the young lady's right. Get him a cat. Here, what about this one?" The man held up a yellow kitten.

            "We'll take him," said Marie.

*~*~*

            "Eddy! Oh, Eddy! Where are you? Come to Dada!" Sirius cried that night, crawling around on his hands and knees in the common room.

            "Ahh! Get that evil cat away from me! It ate my cheese!" Peter screamed, standing on his chair.

            "Leave it alone, you rat!" Magicia yelled, and picked it up. "Hey, Sirius, there's a note here that says that this cat's for you!"

            "Lemme see that!" Sirius yelled. He took the note off the cat's collar. "'To Sirius, from a friend- or 2- or 3: This kitty is for you! Please take good care of him.' Aw! I always wanted a kitty-cat!" He took the cat from Magicia.

            "It ate my cheese!" Peter protested.

            "Good kitty!" Sirius continued, pretending not to hear Peter. "I'll name you Cheese! Come on Cheese, it's bed time." Sirius went up to his dorm, still talking to Cheese.

            "Let's just hope Cheese doesn't turn out evil," said Magicia.

*~*~*

I'm putting the ball in the next chapter, ok?

In response to reviews:

**kim h.**: I guess. The review said 'kim', though.

**FrightninglyObsessed**: Thank you! I put you in this chapter, as you can see. Thank you again!

As for the rest of you readers who haven't reviewed: **REVIEW** **NOW!!!!! I STILL NEED 1 MORE PERSON FOR THE T.S.S.C.!!!!!!!!!**

Cats' rock! Look at my penname! 'Athena Diagon **Cat**'!

-Athena Diagon Cat

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**REVIEW now! Peter is going to kiss you, like I said before!**


	9. She admits it, and the author barfs

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine. Neither are his parents and their friends.

WARNING: If the story gets too mushy, blame it on Meg Cabot and her book Haunted. I just finished reading it, and it's making me cry.

*~*~*

            Valentine's Day came, thus causing the student population to do Valentine's Day things. Andromeda and Teddy snuck off to a place where Sirius wouldn't glare at them, (they behave, for Heavens sake!) Magicia was hanging out with Hob, while Remus, Peter, and Marie went off to play some of the games the professors had set up. James was helping decorate the Great Hall for the dance, and Lily was nowhere to be seen.

            James was just putting the finishing touches on the decorations, when he felt something heavy land on his head.

            "Go away, Peeves," he growled, not looking up. Another rock (as it proved to be) hit his head, and he whirled, ready to hex the poltergeist. But instead of Peeves, there was Lily, looking apologetic.

            "Come on," she hissed, and ducked around the corner when Professor McGonagall looked her way.

            "Professor, may I go know?" James asked Dumbledore.

            "Certainly, Mr. Potter. Have fun!" James nodded his thanks, and ducked around the corner after Lily.

            "Lily!" he hissed, as he didn't see her at first. He started walking down the hall, wondering where she was. An arm reached out and pulled him into as passage way hidden behind a painting.

            "Sorry James," said Lily, "but we need to talk." She led him down the passage way, back to Gryffindors tower. 

            The common room was empty, at which Lily seemed relived. She sat down on the sofa, and motioned for him to sit down next to her.

            "Er, James…" she trailed off, unsure how to begin.

            "Lily, why did you kiss me on New Years?" James asked. "I want to know, and Magicia, Andromeda, and Marie all say that they're sworn to secrecy."

            "Because- because I like you," said Lily, turning as red as her hair. "I… I really do."

            "Oh, Lily," said James, and hugged her. "I love you," he whispered into her hair.

            "EEW!!! MUSHINESS!!!" Magicia screamed from the portrait hole, and ran screaming out of the castle.

            "WHERE?!?!?!?!" Sirius yelled, running out of his dorm. He saw Lily and \James, both of whom had leaped apart, both blushing furiously. "Oh," he said and backed out of the common room, looking ill.

*~*~*

            The dance that night was a success. Every one, including Snape, had fun. Sirius called a truce with Snape as long as Snape left him alone, Peter got a girlfriend, (some silly Hufflepuff) and Remus's sister Diana got a boyfriend. Oh, and James and Lily were both floating around, (not literally this time) the happiest anyone had ever seen them. Sirius and Magicia still looked ill every time they looked at them, but they recovered. At least I think they did.

            "I think this dance was a success," Dumbledore told Magicia, who nodded rapidly, before running to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth, as James had just kissed Lily in front of everybody.

*~*~*

Ew. I got a _bit_ carried away there. Evil Meg Cabot and her evil mushy books.

My brother just showed me a LotR valentine he got. It has a picture of Gollum on it, and it says, "Hope Your Valentine's Day is Precious!" I was laughing so hard when I saw it. If it was Gollum saying that, it'd be more like, "Hope Yoursss Valentine'sss Day isss Presiousssssss!"

Replies to reviews:

**Belle Black**: Thank you! I usually update once a day, every day, so readers don't have to wait forever.

**Shadow_Stalker**: Thanks! Just please don't hurt me!

**FrightninglyObessed**: I'm glad you liked it!

Now you other readers: REVIEW!!!!! 

-Athena Diagon Cat

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**Do you _want_ to watch James and Lily kiss?! GO review, now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	10. Never insult a cat

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: I don't own this. I don't even want to. I just want to control J. K. Rowling's brain. Then, she'd hurry up with the 6th book.

*~*~*

            One week after Valentine's Day, (or as Sirius called it, Evil Day) Sirius was bored. James was hanging out with Lily, Magicia was reading and cursing anyone who came anywhere near her (it seemed that she was PMS-ing), Andromeda, Teddy, and Marie were wandering around the castle, trying to scare random students (not seriously, mind you), and Remus was talking to some girl named Gabbi.

            "Ok, Cheese," said Sirius too his cat, "I'm going to teach you how to attack Snape." He picked up Cheese, and found Snape, but, to his horror, Cheese purred and wound around his legs.

            "Nice cat," said Snape, and walked off.

            "Cheese!" Cheese purred at Sirius happily. "Cheese, you're supposed to attack him! Stupid cat." Marie poked her head around the corner.

            "Did you just say that Cheese is stupid?"

            "Yes."

            "Attack!!!!!!!!" Marie kicked and hit Sirius, and then ran off with Cheese.

            "Note to self: never insult a cat, for fear a cat lover will kill you."

*~*~*

            In the common room that night, James stood up.

            "My friends," he began, "I am pleased to announce that Miss Lily Evans has just agreed to go on a date with me." Every one started cheering. 

            "Thank God," Magicia gasped, "I was afraid he was going to tell us that they were engaged."

            "Way to go, Prongs!" Sirius yelled. "This calls for some Snape-toasting! Follow me!" Sirius strode out of the common room, half of Gryffindor House behind him.

            "T.S.S.C. meeting!" James yelled. The group gathered around him.

            "What's T.S.S.C.?" asked Remus's friend Gabbi.

            "Um, The Sirius Stoppers Committee," said Remus, glancing at the other nervously.

            "Cool! Can I join?" 

            "Sure," said James.

            "Thanks!" 

            "Now, if Sirius is doing a Snape-toasting, we'll have to take his wand. Who wants to do this?"

            "Ooh, me, me!" said Marie and Gabbi at the same time. They ran out of the common room.

*~*~*

            Marie and Gabbi both ran up to Sirius, who had just cornered Snape, and took his and Snape's wands. 

            "Hey! Give they back, you evil girls!" Sirius yelled. Marie tossed Snape his wand, and Gabbi tossed Sirius's to Marie. They kept tossing the wand to each other, with an extremely angry Sirius in the middle. Remus had enough sense to get out brooms for the girls, and dropped them from his. Marie and Gabbi got on the brooms, and zoomed off, eventually giving the wand to Magicia, who put it on Sirius's bed.

*~*~*

            "You know, James, that was really noble of you to start this club," said Lily later.

            "It was the only was I would be allowed to hang out with Sirius."

            "My clever James," Lily sighed, and leaned her head on James's shoulder.

            "Not again!" Sirius screamed, and ran off; presumably to Dumbledore, to ask if he could pass a law against mushiness.

*~*~*

This story is almost done, thank God. I can't stand writing all these mushy scenes. Reading them is one thing (oh the embarrassment!), writing them is another.

Review responses:

**FrightninglyObessed**: Thank you. I, myself, hate waiting for new chapters in stories I read here.

**Princess Hermione**: I hope you got your head back on! : ) I put you in this chapter, as you can see.

**galagirl**: I'm glad you like this. Um, someone reviewed before you, so they got the place. Sorry.

**Belle Black**: Thanks.

**trashcan**: Thanks. I tend to avoid e-mailing people, so you just have to check back every day. 

I'm so happy! That was 5 reviews! Now I have more reviews then chapters! Thank you so much!

I've been seeing too many pirate movies. I've got music from Muppet Treasure Island and Pirates of the Caribbean: curse of the Black Pearl mixed up and they keep playing in my head. I'm beginning to wonder if the person who wrote the music for one wrote the music for the other.

-Athena Diagon Cat

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REVIEW, PEOPLE! OTHERWISE I'LL PUT A TERRIBLE CURSE ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	11. First date

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: Do I own it? Do you own it? No. J.K.Rowling owns it. You already knew that, of course.

*~*~*

            "Ok, James, your date's going to begin in about half an hour. You have to be ready," said Magicia, passing in front of James, Remus, Sirius, Andromeda, Teddy, Marie, and Gabbi behind her. 

            "Where are you taking her?" Marie asked, interested.

            "Um, around Hogsmeade?"

            "Not good enough," said Magicia, halting in her pacing for a moment. "You have to have a place in mind!"

            "Such as?"

            "How about _La Petite cafe_ in France?" Sirius suggested, smirking.

            "If your going to France, go to the _Efile_ Tower for dinner," Peter called from across the room. Magicia looked at him, disgusted.

            "He's not going to France, you rat."

            "Oh," said Peter, and went back to his book.

            "Well? Where are you going to go?" Magicia demanded. James looked at Remus for help.

            "I've heard that Lily hates going to restaurants," Remus said slowly. "Maybe you should go on a picnic." Magicia wrinkled her nose. 

            "I know moonlit nights are romantic, but isn't that a little dangerous?" she looked pointedly at Remus.

            "Opps." Remus fled, Sirius and Peter at his heels.

            "I know!" said Andy suddenly, "You could take her onto the roof, and have a picnic there! It's nice and _very_ private."

            "You are so lucky Sirius just left," said Marie. Andromeda and Teddy blushed.

            "For the last time: _where are you taking her_?" Magicia asked, looking like she was going to kill someone.

            "The picnic on the roof sounds nice. But it's February, remember?"

            "Well… there is the top of Gryffindor tower," Gabbi suggested. "There's a room up there that's like a mini common room that know one even knows about. You would have a great view of the stars, and it's warm."

            "Thanks!" said James happily, and ran off to the top of the tower.

            "We could have mentioned the 'come and go' room," Teddy pointed out.

            "I don't even want to know," Magicia muttered, and started banging her head into the wall.

            "Once again: you are so lucky Sirius just left," said Marie, and wandered off to play with Cheese, Dragon, and Andy's twin kittens, Edward and Eleanor. Gabbi rolled her eyes, and joined Marie. Magicia hit herself once more, and collapsed on the floor.

            "Oww…"

*~*~*

            "Oh, James, it so perfect!" Lily gasped when she saw the room. "I love picnics!"

            "I know," said James, and they enjoyed a lovely dinner.

            "I love you, James," Lily sighed.

            "I love you, too, Lily," James whispered in her ear.

            "That was the best date I ever went on," Lily whispered back.

            Magicia, who was playing the part of chaperone, fled to the nearest bathroom.

*~*~*

I ask myself this: why do I keep writing these stupid mushy scenes? 

_So Cupid the Evil one leaves you alone_.

Oh, yeah. Thanks Magie.

_Don't call me 'Magie'!_

Sorry! : (

Thank you **FrightninglyObessed** and **galagirl** for reviewing! What would I do without my reviewers?

Starbelly Eleanor Minimooch! Stay off my key board!

45.,jhn7tycv90/.cv..

Star! Stop messing with my computer! Go play with you brother!

Sorry about that. Starry likes annoying me, it seems.

-Athena Diagon Cat

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NOW GO REVIEW BEFORE STARRY MESSES UP YOUR COMPUTER! 


	12. The evil Jamly, and the ALMOST! end

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: If you want the disclaimer, go back to any of the previous chapters. I'm not writing it anymore.

*~*~*

            So James and Lily went on date, after date, after date, after date, for several months. And when the 7th years started studying for their N.E.W.T.s, they went on dates and studied. Magicia was getting sick of all the kissing, and started locking herself in her dorm. Sirius couldn't get a sensible word out of James, and started harassing Snape. The members of the T.S.S.C. had to give up on James and Lily helping them. All in all, every one was getting annoyed with James and Lily.

            "Why can't we just break them up?" Sirius asked one day in early June. "I can't even say good morning to James without him saying something about how perfect his _precious_ Lily is!" 

            "No, don't break them up," said Magicia, who was looking around figuratively, afraid Jamly (as they were calling James and Lily) would come in the library and start snogging. "Just get them to separate for once."

            "If we do that, when they get back to each other, the snogging will get worse," Remus pointed out. "I think you should tell them that they're neglecting their head duties." 

            "Fine," Magicia snapped. "You tell them."

            "Me?! No way! Sirius, you tell them!"

            "WHAT?!?!?!?! I'm not telling the dreaded Jamly! You do it Magie."

            "No."

            "Yes."

            "No."

            "Yes."

            "No."

            "I guess we'll all do it," Remus said with a sigh.

            "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sirius and Magicia yelled together.

            "NO SCREAMING IN THE LIBRARY!!!!!!" Madame Prince shrieked, chasing them out.

            "We have to tell them," Remus insisted when they got back to the common room. "If we don't, Hogwarts will be doomed!"

            "Why will Hogwarts be doomed?" Magicia, Sirius, and Remus turned around, and saw-

            "IT'S THE EVIL JAMLY!" Magicia screamed.

            "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Sirius yelled, and the two of them would have fled, if Remus hadn't grabbed them by their shirts.

            "LEMME GO! LEMME GO!" cried Sirius.

            "I'll hex you into oblivion!" Magicia hissed, fighting like a tiger.

            "Nope. Time to tell them."

            "Aww, man," they groaned.

            "Tell us what?" James asked, confused.

            "You guys have to stop with all the kissing," Magicia muttered, shooting death glares at Remus, who smirked.

            "Yeah. It's _so_ unhygienic," said Sirius, looking cross that a girl was braver then him.

            "But why?" James asked. "You were the ones who wanted us to be together."

            "Well, yes, but you're going overboard. You'll probably get engaged before the N.E.W.T.s at this rate."

            "Engaged, you say? Hmm…" James looked thoughtful. 

            "I'm out of here," Sirius said, and bolted.

            "Right behind you," Magicia gasped, and followed.

            "Wait for me! I do _not_ want to see any proposals!" Remus called after them, and ran after them at top speed.

            "What was that all about?" Lily asked, perplexed.

            "Beats me. Come on, let's go study."

*~*~*

            There is one word for the N.E.W.T.s: exhausting. James and Lily didn't even have the energy to snog! That, in itself, was a miracle.

            The 7th years all got great results, amazingly enough. And before they knew it, it was Graduation Day.

            James's parents, Aunt, and Uncle came, bringing Lily's parents, and his cousin Emeline was allowed out of classes to attend.

            Remus's father and older brother showed up,(though a bit late,) and his little sister Diana also got out of classes, along with Andromeda, who was Sirius's only family member to come.

            Magicia was cursed with her whole family coming. Her parents, little sister, and little brothers all came, as did Laura and her baby, who was clutching Eddy.

            "Eddy!" Sirius cried, and ran over to the little girl. "Sorry, Miss," he said, "But can I please hug your monkey?" She nodded, and Sirius hugged Eddy hard, before giving him back. "Take good care of him, ok?" 

            "Ooh kay," said the girl, and skipped off.

*~*~*

            After the ceremony, James went up to Lily, his hands behind his back.

            "Lily Rose Evans, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me? Please?" Lily turned red, but she hugged James anyway.

            "I'd be honored," she whispered.

            "Way to go, Prongs!" Sirius and Remus yelled, and hugged him and Lily. 

            "No more having to help James. My job is done," Magicia sighed in relief as she watched James place a diamond ring on Lily's hand.

            "Um, Magic? Will you marry me?" asked Peter hesitantly. Magicia turned green.

            "Er, no thanks."

            "It's because of Sirius, isn't it?!"

            "No way! Sirius is _way_ too goofy for me."

            "Which is good," said Sirius, "because I've got a thing for someone else."

            "Ooh, who?"

            "Some French girl I met at _La Petite Cafe_," he said dreamily, and ran off, singing the school song as loud as he could.

            **THE END!**

*~*~*

YAY! IT'S FINALLY OVER! Well, except for the epilogue.

Thank you **galagirl** and **hyper active blue chipmunk** for reviewing!

And readers: I WILL NOT WRITE A SEQUEL! SO DON'T ASK!!!!!!! IF YOU WANT A SEQUEL, WRITE IT YOUR SELF, OK? THANK YOU!

-Athena Diagon Cat

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**IT'S NOW TIME FOR YOU TO REVIEW! PETER IS GOING TO PROPOSE TO YOU IF YOU DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	13. The Wedding

Helping James

By: Athena Diagon Cat

Disclaimer: See chapter 12's disclaimer.

* * *

            James and Lily's wedding day had come at last. It was a beautiful day in late July, and couldn't be more perfect.

            Sirius was the best man, (of course!) and Magicia was playing the part of maid-of-honor, due to Lily's non-stop pleading. Sirius was a bit disappointed that his French girlfriend Aurora wasn't invited, but said nothing, since Magicia threatened to render him sterile.

            The ceremony was short and sweet, (I'll spare you the details) and a huge reception followed.

            "Magic, will you do us the honor of taking pictures?" Lily asked, and handed Magicia a camera. Magicia agreed, and wandered around the party, snapping shots randomly. There was a picture of Marie, Gabbi, Andromeda and Teddy, Diana, and Emeline sitting together; Petunia and her horrible fiancé Vernon; Sirius and Aurora (how did she get in?!); Lily's parents talking with James's parents, a shot of Magicia running at the camera, screaming angrily (I'm going to kill you, Black!); Dumbledore looking amused; and James and Lily laughing with Sirius.

            "Honestly, Magie, are you afraid of cameras?" Sirius asked as Magicia changed the film.

            "I'm not afraid of cameras, Black. I'm afraid of people who misuse them," she retorted, and snapped a few pictures of Remus chasing Diana, screaming at her for sloshing punch on his new jacket.

            "People like me?" he asked, smiling. Magicia glared at him.

            "Exactly." She took a picture of Peter and his cousin Jennifer.

            "Don't you have any faith in me?"

            "No."

            "Why?"

            "Because."

            "Because why?"

            "Because you're evil."

            "I am, aren't I?"

            "Yes you are. Go bother your girlfriend."

            "Don't you love me?" Sirius gave her puppy-dog eyes.

            "No. And I think some food is calling you. I though I had warned you about flirting."

            "Opps." He fled.

            "Opps indeed," Magicia murmured, and took a picture of the Marauders.

* * *

            The bride and groom were toasting.

            "To us!" Lily cried, and hugged James.

            "To Magicia. If she hadn't helped, we wouldn't have ever been together."

            "Stop it, Potter, you're embarrassing me."

            "Sorry, But it's true."

            "Do I have to tell every one how I met you guys, and later helped you?'

            "Please do." Magicia sighed.

            "Fine. It all started at Hogwarts Castle, sometime in the 1970's…"

            THE (REAL) END!!!!!!!!

* * *

            I finished! *does victory dance* I'm so happy!

And now: A thank you to all my reviewers:

-**haniyyah**

-**LilyEvensPotter**

-**allfortheloveofBriar** *****cough*****ROSIE*cough*

-**kim**

-**the-star101**

-**kim h.** (possibly the same person as kim)

-**FrightninglyObessed** (a.k.a. Marie) [5 times]

-**Belle Black** [2 times]

-**Shadow_Stalker**

-**Princess Hermione** (a.k.a. Gabbi)

-**galagirl** [4 times]

-**trashcan**

-**hyper active blue chipmunk** [5 times]

And too all of you who might review this chapter: Thank you!

Now please don't ask me to writ more for a bit; I need a vacation from writing. I don't even have the faintest idea of what to write next. Ok?

-Athena Diagon Cat

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**REVIEW TIME! JUST PRESS THAT BLUE-ISH PURPLE-ISH BUTTON! IT'S NOT HARD AT ALL! THANK YOU ONE AND ALL!!!!!!!!!**


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